MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY!

I remember singing a song at summer camp years ago:

“Did you ever get the feeling when you read the paper the world has gone insane?

That the animal part of the human heart has finally gone berserk.

Well it just may be that what you see is the storm before tranquility

And the world isn’t coming to an end my friend, the world’s just coming to a start.

I feel it in my heart.  The world is coming to a start!”

I was working in the camp office at the time and was surprised to learn the song wasn’t inspired by what was happening in the news of the day, but was written, I think, in the 1940’s. 

Those lyrics have stuck in my mind and I’m amazed how relevant, how timely, they continuously are.  Funny how it always feels like the world is about to come to an end. 

Since November and the American elections, not to mention all the devastation around the world including Syria, Standing Rock, and even the Gull River basin, the intensity of this feeling just seems to have multiplied. Recently, I began to wonder about fear – deeply wonder about it and the hold it had on me. Fear had become so big I couldn’t see it all, so big it was trapping and depressing me. Sure, traumatic things had happened but my reaction hadn’t always been in proportion.  It was more like present minor events were triggering something much deeper.  It was like fear, and even terror, were passed down in my DNA for me to keep re-experiencing.  It was like I was constantly reliving emotional events from my forefathers – from being chased by saber tooth tigers, to being enslaved by this or that despot, to surviving countless famines and religious wars.  Fear, and anxiety, it felt, had been bred in my bones.

But there was something in the air earlier this year - with the inauguration, with the Bell Let’s Talk campaign and several celebrities coming out and talking about their mental health problems – guiding me to walk right into the anxiety of my past and stand still with it and say hello.  Hello anxiety.  Hello fear of my parents.  Hello terror of all my ancestors.  Hello.  Who are you? 

And a flood of images and emotion were released.

I stayed still in the emotion - with the emotion - and soon we both began to soften. 

And then the fear wasn’t out there - huge, looming - anymore.  It was inside me, with me, as a companion.  We no longer were separate.

And as I held it in my heart, sorrow washed through us both.

What remained was a tender openness, a surrender that comes after having had enough experience with fear grabbing me by the throat, trying to get my attention.  Thank you for the gift of the warning.  Thank you for reminding me it is always my choice to harden or soften my heart, to be a victim or a master of my destiny, to separate from or speak out and take charge of the present moment.  Thank you for helping me remember who I am not and who I am.

Neuroscience has shown the body doesn’t know the difference between thoughts and acts of fear so will produce stress hormones either way.  Worrying about possible future events is where anxiety comes from and accounts for most illness.  After seeing pictures of icebergs around Newfoundland this spring, it occurred to me our thoughts are like the tip of the iceberg mixing with all the airy ideas that blow by.  Our real essence is the mass below: solid, stable, enormous.  If when I feel fear/anxiety coming on, I can move my awareness below into my belly and legs, I can connect with that feeling of stability and enormity and be present to calmly deal with my situation.  And since most of the fear I experience doesn’t even belong to me, I can let it go, return to the present moment, and go back to enjoying my day.

Knowledge is power and knowing how to surrender to feelings, how to sink into my iceberg base and be still to quietly listen to the insights, is tremendously empowering.

May we all know this peace within.

May we all know this power within.

Mayday is shortened from "venez m'aider," meaning "come and help me."

Lots of hands have been in Minden doing just that. 

Thank you all!